I have decided to stop titling my blogs by time gone by because I have stopped thinking about Lucas in terms of how old he would be or how long it has been. Of course I do still think about him daily and am reminded constantly of the missing piece of our family. However, I have other things to focus on as we are expecting our fourth child in April. There will always be a hole where Lucas belongs, but we are excited about adding to our family.
Being pregnant again has been difficult, physically, I am sick like each time before. Emotionally, I am being cautious. I am of course head over heals for this little critter, but there is cautiousness in my spirit, I imagine this is unavoidable having the life experiences that I have.
Andrew is crazy excited! He hugs my tummy and says good night and I love you to the baby. He also keeps calling it Lucas, not easy for me to hear. We had a couple conversations to make sure that he understands that Lucas is not back in my tummy. I think he is just used to referring to the baby in my tummy as Lucas and is having a hard time breaking that habit. I told him we should find a nick name for the baby until we find out what it is, we are working on that.
Olivia is excited that "we" are having a baby. She is eager to be a big sister and tries desperately to see the baby or touch it by reaching through my belly button!
I have been to the doctor and we saw the baby's heart beating and that was fantastic! My doctor was once again wonderful, he said congratulations and then asked what we needed to do in order for us to feel comfortable. So, we have an appointment with the perinatologist on October 10th for a sonogram. The doctor will measure the skin on the back of the baby's neck and run my blood work and then give us the odds for Down Syndrome, Trisomy 13 and Trisomy 18. We are most interested in the sonogram and being able to see the baby again. We will also have a level 2 sonogram later on with the perinatologist. Hopefully, these visits will give us some peace of mind.
So, I am buckling down for a couple more months of being nauseated 24 hours a day and looking forward to holding my living, breathing baby in my arms.
