3 months yesterday

It was 3 months yesterday. It is getting easier, that sounds so lame and simple. This isn't simple at all. Sometimes it hurts just as intensely as the moment I let go of him and there are parts of the day when life takes over and I am not sad. Andrew and Olivia are busy and I am busy as well. I have a bunch of little projects going around the house, one of which is trying to get pregnant again. So far, I have gotten pregnant really easily and am praying that will be true the fourth time as well. When it happens you all will be the first to know. I am excited about a pregnancy and a baby. I think I will have a different outlook on the 5 months of puking this time!
There were about 7 women in my life who were pregnant and due within 2 months of me, they have all had their babies now, and I am glad that is over. I feel awful that I can't hug them and hold their babies and tell them how happy I am for them, but the thought of that seems as impossible as anything could be.
I don't think I have talked much about my sleeping....I don't. I have horrible and vivid dreams, nightmares really. I am hoping this will pass as time goes on.
I think I am healing, I am running a 5K April 16th. It has been a good distraction and motivator to start running, since it has been about 5 years since I ran! I must run now actually.