Our weekend away was wonderful. It was nice to spend some time together not thinking about anything. Before we left we discussed how we want the end of this to go. We decided not to talk about a live birth scenario because we will be meeting with the neonatal team in the next few weeks and felt it would be premature to make decisions before that meeting. For a still birth scenario we decided to deliver at Olathe Med and that we would cremate. We also discussed who would be a part of the end moments. We will spend whatever time we need to alone with the baby and then close family who would like to say goodbye to him will have an opportunity. We are not going to let anyone else hold him, we feel weird about passing around our dead son. It was good to talk about his before we were in the moment, Mike and I had different ideas of what the end would look like.
The best thing about our weekend was that we gave our son a name, Lucas Richard Paton. We had liked this name before we found out the t18 diagnosis and debated about whether we should use a name we love for a baby we know we won't be able to raise or save it for a possible future baby. We came to the conclusion that Lucas is our son, our baby for however long we have him and we love him, so of course we should give him this name. It felt good to make these decisions, in a time of such uncertainty.
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